After the previous article on my chances to build dreams late in life, it occurred to me that my daughter doesn't need to repeat my financial mistakes. She has dreams, although her parents and other adults may not be privy to many of those goals. Whether or not I approve her ambitions doesn't matter. What matters is her ability to make those dreams become reality, because empowerment isn't grounded in magic. What it takes to succeed financially is the recognition of those myths regarding women and money and the willingness and strength to dispel them.

So, before my daughter heads off to college this fall, I thought I would spend the summer talking with her - via this column - about what it takes to make financial dreams a reality. Speaking from personal experience, some lessons require a complete change to belief systems, because many myths about women and money concern their relationships with men.

• For instance, I wish I had a nickel (or a dollar, for that matter) for every time I heard a woman say, "It's just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man." Not true. Poor men are abundant, and a percentage of those poor men actively seek strong women who are financially successful. Many of these men are difficult to resist, as they can be very charming. Charm, ladies, doesn't pay the cable bill.
  
  
• Even if a rich man marries you, you can't count on his money as an asset. It is his money after all, and many a divorced woman will attest to this fact. What you might receive during a marriage and after a divorce depends upon state and federal laws, tax laws, and other mitigating factors such as children, inheritances, trusts and more.
  
  
• So, as a young woman, it helps to understand that college isn't a mall designed for husband shopping. College is a place where you can focus on a good education and prepare for a higher-paying job. Your job isn't a second income, nor is it a means to simply survive from paycheck to paycheck whether you're married or not. Many college-educated divorced women, single moms, and women who never married can tell you that a successful college career can benefit your income for as long as you live, even if you don't pursue a career in your major.

It wasn't that long ago (from my perspective, anyway) that a young woman who entered college and studied hard was considered a "spinster." This term goes back to the time when single women often were the neighborhood spinners, or the women who had time to spin wool for thread to make fabric. Those women didn't need to tend to babies and children, husbands and extended families, so they were the spinsters.

Spinning wheels were cast aside with the introduction of store-bought fabrics, but the "spinster" term didn't fade with spinning skills. Instead, the term was transferred to women who "spun time" away at college or in low-paying jobs until they married. Generally, during a large part of the twentieth century, few women had careers because high-paying jobs went to men and - frankly - if a woman didn't marry, then something was "wrong" with that woman according to social norms.

With that prevalent social attitude, most women realized that a college education basically was worthless. The lack of a husband meant that a woman might need to seek financial support from other men such as fathers, brothers, and in-laws. And, since women didn't want to feel helpless then any more than they want to feel that way today, a woman often married simply to have a "safe" harbor from a seemingly harsh world.

• Much has changed in the past quarter century with the women's rights movements during the 1960s. Although women still don't make the same money that men make doing the same jobs, attitudes about women and work have changed tremendously. Now, young women don't need to seek marriage as a means to be socially accepted or to be sheltered from financial disaster.
  
  
• I'm not suggesting that you don't marry. Marriage suits many individuals, especially when a couple realizes that marriage is a lawful union that represents a partnership much like a business. And, just as in a regular business, you will find men who resent women who make more money. Perhaps a better way to say this is that some men feel less empowered when their girlfriends, wives, or partners make more money than they do.
  
  
• If your boyfriend, husband, or significant other is displeased with your higher income, then his displeasure is the problem, not your income level. But, if you ever find yourself in this type of relationship, then you may learn through this situation that money cannot buy happiness, but neither does poverty. In other words, if you want to spend money on therapy to help resolve this issue, then at least you have that choice when you have the finances to do so independently.
  
  
• The ability to pay for a comfortable life isn't a sin, nor is it a slap in the face to others who don't earn what you earn. With that said, your ability to be valuable to society and your ability to earn wealth aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, the more you earn, the more you can give back to society. If you don't believe me, read current writings on philanthropists like Bill Gates and his wife, Melinda.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, my daughter and many other young women like her often don't share their dreams with adults. One reason behind this secrecy is their unwillingness to appear "not nice," or greedy. But, Lois P. Frankel says in her book, "Nice Girls Don't Get Rich," that "Nice girls don't get rich because they focus more on the needs of others than on their own needs and avoid taking the steps required to become truly independent. You won't get rich being a 'nice girl,' but you can by becoming an adult woman - and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Here's to becoming adults, ladies.

Until Later,
Linda Goin