Egads.You feel like you're twenty. How come you look like your mother did when you were a kid?

I believe it's called time, and boy, is it sneaky. Wasn't it just yesterday when I was toting Cora around on my hip? She was attached to me physically and emotionally. Today, I'm looking at a very tall young lady who is embarrassed if I hug her in public.

The other day, I caught her crying while watching a cartoon movie. The mother was sick and dying, and all her children were appropriately sad. This turn of events in the film was unexpected for us both, so I sat with her for the ending. It was one of those rare times when she seemed grateful to have my arm around her.

Cora is experiencing emotions I never had at her age. I had two parents, and the security felt like a thick blanket. I don't remember thinking about both of my parents leaving or dying at the same time. Growing up in a single household brings different anxieties. Cora is wondering what would happen to her if something happens to me. It's not just the loss of "mom" - it's a whole set of losses that children of two-parent households don't have.

We're fortunate that Cora has another household with her father. They all accept and love her as much as I do. Many single moms don't have this advantage. Handling daily events can be overwhelming; the additional worries of becoming sick - or worse, sudden death - is almost unthinkable.

Some of the issues to think about are health and life insurance, estate planning (estate means anything you own when you die - it doesn't have to be a mansion), and retirement funds. Cora tells me that since we've started planning her future, it wouldn't be fair to not work on my own. I agree, but it's not easy for me to face mortality. I'm still coping with my crow's feet.

You've gathered by now that I'm one of those irresponsible artist-types, and you're right. My budget and my love for life have been just two of many excuses for not addressing reality. My denial is so huge that I need to guilt-trip myself into this research. Cora's tears are a good start. Then I think about her fears. Naturally, I want to eliminate those, no matter what it takes.

Then I imagine how she would feel if I died leaving her with huge emotional and financial burdens. If I don't leave financial help for her future, it may not bother her now. As she grows older, I'm sure she'll have some feelings about this. Those feelings won't be happy ones, I'm sure.

Guilt and shame spur me on...

I'm going to begin with BUYandHOLD's information. After all, they helped me simplify my investing life, so they're bound to help me make sense of insurance. They don't disappoint me. I went straight to the Insurance Center, where I find a great "Road of Life Events." Boy, there's a lot of curves in that road. I take the detour for divorce.

The information in this detour gave me basics. I need more, so I get back on the road and try a few other exits. Each turn gave me more opportunities for planning our future. Some of it I need now, but other information doesn't apply to my current lifestyle. So I take what I need and leave the rest for later.

Out of curiosity, I went to the In The News section of the Insurance Center. Halfway down this page, I found the article "How divorce affects your life insurance needs," By Mark Cybulski. This is a must-read, in my opinion. Cybulski talks about the responsibilities of both parents in caring for their children's future, including details on beneficiaries, and the difference between term and whole life insurance in a divorce situation.

Your situation may differ in many ways. If you can't rely on a former spouse, you might check with grandparents, parents, and other relatives to see if your children are mentioned as beneficiaries in their policies or wills. This may be important down the road for tax reasons, and it may help relieve you emotionally and financially. Don't be afraid to ask - if you tell them you're planning for possible problems, it shows you are concerned for your child and for them. It also exhibits responsibility, and most folks are supportive of this goal.

Of course, sometimes I waffle on the subject of buying insurance: Is this really such a wise idea? How much do I really need, and for what length of time? Is this an investment, or will my money be better off with some other security for our future needs? Over the next week, I'm going to look into these questions. Hopefully, you will too.

My goal is to look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day and smile. After all, wrinkles are signs of wisdom. Everyone knows that!

Until next week.

Linda Goin